Festival Booze smuggling

Smuggling your boozy booty like a true festival pirate

Alex Diamond looks like an average guy (even if he does have a damn cool name), but it turns out this random festival goer is an absolute legend. A regular at Electric Zoo festival in New York, Alex buried a bottle of vodka at the Randalls Island site three weeks before the event and marked it with a GPS tag. Fast forward to when the festival was in full swing and the crafty devil dug it up and guzzled his liquid treasure.

festival booze smuggling
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It got us thinking, beer is crazy expensive at festivals and there’s nothing better than a boozy buzz, so how do you smuggle a cheeky tipple into events? Things have evolved from the vodka in a water bottle trick (and no-one is going to believe that’s a packet of dried oregano!) so you’re going to have to get sneaky.

Check out these tried and tested booze smuggling hacks:

The Beer-ito: If you can disguise your drink as a snack you’re onto a winner. Rookie level- hollow out a loaf of bread and stick a bottle inside (extra points if you can get it back inside the bag). Hardcore- get creative with some meat and salad and roll your bottle up in a wrap. Maybe smear it in sauce for extra authenticity or take a bite out of the edge…yum!

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Novelty hip flasks: The internet is filled with innocent looking hip flasks for smuggling booze in. From hairbrushes to binoculars and even cameras, the less interesting the item the better your chance of success. You can even get fake tampon hip flasks because security will NEVER check those.

Security are getting wise to the empty bottle of sunblock filled with spirits trick, although it might work if you mix booze with actual sunblock to make it more realistic…like a chunky pina colada? Depends how desperate you are.

Festival booze smuggling

Clever underwear: If you don’t mind warm crotch beer then you can get underpants with booze pouches for a glorious ‘beer boner’. For ladies, there’s the ‘wine rack’ bra. Booze and tits…yay!

festival booze smuggling

Hidden in your hair: Skinheads can skip this one. Secure some miniatures into a quirky hairstyle, or even your beard if you are sporting a hell of a face bush.

festival booze smuggling

Cheeky footwear: It’s rare to get your shoes searched so store a few miniatures in them. Just don’t walk like a weirdo.

festival booze smuggling

Shove it up your butt: Things just escalated pretty quickly. It doesn’t have to be a butt, any orifice will do. Just so you know, if you manage to smuggle a litre bottle in using this technique then we will judge you a bit. Word of warning, don’t use a glass bottle. Ever. New motto – NO GLASS IN THE ASS.

Festival booze smuggling

Good luck with your smuggling fellow festival pirates, we’ll see you (and your haul) on the inside!

* *Our lawyers made us write the next bit **

DISCLAIMER – DO NOT TRY AND SNEAK ALCOHOL OR ANY OTHER PROHIBITED SUBSTANCES INTO FESTIVALS. (It’s very naughty and your mum will be disappointed)

We cannot be held liable for any incidents arising from the content of this article, including but not limited to:
• Getting caught and pummelled by security (better luck next time!)
• Dying from drinking sunblock
• Breaking your tooth on a beerito
• Getting a bottle lodged in ANY orifice
• Cutting your toe off after stepping on a miniature bottle

 

For more festival news, tips and tricks, check out our blog!

Written by Kim Wilson