Unfortunately this weekend I made the hideous mistake of watching the film ‘Would You Rather?’ It’s pretty grim. You know the drill, out of two unappealing options, which would you pick? Would you rather have to watch your parents have sex every night for the rest of your life, or join in once? Neither cheers mate!
It got me thinking; festivals are an endless opportunity for would you rather questions.
Let’s start tame (don’t worry, we’ll get to the bodily fluid questions soon.)
*Would you rather hear your favorite artists performing your least favorite songs or your least favorite artists performing your favorite songs?
It seems clear cut when you think how badly you want to stab *insert generic hated pop star* in the face, but sometimes an awful song simply can’t be saved and could you ask your idol to stoop to that level?
*Would you rather camp at a festival in a luxury tent right next to the toilets, or at a prime location but in a tent that has no door and is riddled with holes?
Basically exposure to the elements and everyone around you, or the constant stench of semi digested festival fodder and the occasional toot of a butt trumpet.
*Would you rather go to Hellfest in a sequin leotard with bunny ears or Coachella dressed in a three-piece suit and an overcoat?
There aren’t many sparkly bunnies at the hardcore metal and extreme Viking punk festival in France so you might get some funny looks. On the other hand, would you really be feeling the bohemian love in the heat of the Mohave Desert, while stuffed into a suit? It reached temperatures over 38 C / 100 F at the 2017 edition…
*Would you rather crawl into the wrong tent and get punched in the face or someone else crawl into your tent and throw up on you?
Not unheard of, but if you are well prepared then you will have painkillers and wet wipes to deal with either.
*Would you rather down a drink and realise that it’s actually pee or crap yourself while dancing?
Nothing worse than waking up hung-over and grabbing a drink, only to find your filthy tent buddy has used it as a toilet during the night. Well maybe apart from pooping yourself in public…
*Would you rather lick a butt crack on day one or an armpit on day three?
A stranger’s butt isn’t appetizing at the best of times (well, for most people anyway) but do you truly understand the horror of a day three armpit?
Finally, and not at all festival related but it grossed me out so I have to share.
*Would you rather put a toothpick under your toenail and kick a wall or peel off your thumbnail with a fork?
That’s it – I’m done!
We love hearing from you (it’s a great distraction from doing actual work) so if you have any brutal ‘would you rather questions?’ either festival related or otherwise, then send them in!
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If you want to do something FKN AWESOME next year, then head to our website for details on our group tours to music festivals!
Written by Kim Wilson